Addicted
by GlenWing
Summary: What he wants, he can't have. But that only makes him more Addicted. Kinda slashy [HPSF]. songfic btw


**Addicted**

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Jk the HP characters and Kelly clarkson owns addicted (amazing song).  
Something I cooked up a while ago, when I was going through some stuff. Tell me what you think. It's Seamus' PoV.

* * *

_Its like you're a drug  
__Its like you're a demon I can't face down  
__Its like I'm stuck  
__Its like I'm running from you all the time  
__And I know I let you have all the power  
__Its like the only company I seek is misery all around_

Running, running, running away from everything. Nothing can save me; no one can help me. No one. Nothing. The story of my life reflected in two tiny words. How can I compete, how can I become everything that I'm not. I would if I could, and I'd do it all for you. But you don't even notice me. Nobody notices me, no matter how hard I try.

_Its like you're a leech  
__Sucking the life from me  
__Its like I can't breathe  
__Without you inside of me  
__And I know I let you have all the power  
__And I realise I'm never gonna quit you over time_

I can't help the way I feel. No one can. But why am I always the odd one out. The one life seems to have chosen to be different. To be made fun of. I can't live without you, but living with you is torture. Being so near you and yet so far. A friend, and yet yearning for more. Close, and yet not close enough.

_Its like I can't breathe  
__Its like I can't see anything  
__Nothing but you  
__I'm addicted to you_

But I can't tell you. Can't hint at my feelings. I'm abnormal, different. No one likes people who are different. My love is a forbidden love. A hidden love. The first person I see when they enter the room. The first sound that I hear when they talk to a friend. All other things forgotten. I see you. I see only you. Only you.

_Its like I can't think  
__Without you interrupting me  
__In my thoughts  
__In my dreams  
__You've taken over me  
__Its like I'm not me  
__Its like I'm not me_

When you sit next to me, so close, so close. I feel your breath on my neck, warm, moist. The scent of your body clouds my mind. I can't see, can't think, nothing exists but you. Your leg brushes up against mine for a second. Brief, yet the feeling lingers for hours. The sensations I yearn for, that no one else can give. No one but you.

_It's like I'm lost  
__It's like I'm giving up slowly  
__Its like you're a ghost that's haunting me  
__Leave me alone_

I want you to go, leave me in darkness, stop the pain; yet I can't function when you're gone. Life has no meaning, and my sun won't shine. You are the reason I get up in the morning. And the reason I cry at night. It can't compete. I mustn't get close; too close I might lose you; too far you could lose me. Lost in the fog.

_And I know  
__These voices in my head are mine alone  
__And I know ill never change my ways  
__If I don't give you up now_

You grow further. I fear I'm getting too close. Frightening you away. I cant live without you. I need space. You need space. I leave. I give you what you want. Always. But I find myself watching from the shadows, from a darkened window. From across the classroom. Always near. Should you want me back.

_Its like I can't breathe  
__Its like I can't see anything  
__Nothing but you  
__I'm addicted to you_

Should you want me back. You talk to me. You start hanging around with me, inviting me to be around you and your friends. The crying stops, but am I good enough? You think I am, as we grow closer. But I start to see the flaws in me once more. The parts of me that are imperfect. How can I be good enough for you? But you get closer. Part of me must be.

_Its like I can't think  
__Without you interrupting me  
__In my thoughts  
__In my dreams  
__You've taken over me  
__Its like I'm not me  
__Its like I'm not me_

Intoxicating. You're presence is electricity that runs through my soul. My blood sings when you are close. I need you, now. Nearer and nearer. I must be good enough. I start to push myself. My body. To its limits. I must be good enough for you. And you join me. You comment – "I like it when we're alone."

_I'm hooked on you  
__I need a fix I can't take it  
__Just one more hit  
__I promise I can deal with it._

More and more. Must. Need. Have to. Can't live with out you. Faster and faster. My blood pounding. Rushing. I can hear my heart beating. Beating for you. No one but you.

_I'll handle it quit it  
__Just one more time then that's it  
__Just a little bit more  
__To get me through this_

I'm blind. I'm deaf. I can't speak, eat, drink. I can't draw breath. You are my life and soul. Please don't leave me. I can't live without you near me. Cant. Mustn't. Won't. Have to.

_I'm hooked on you  
__I need a fix I can't take it  
__Just one more hit  
__I promise I can deal with it._

More and more. Must. Need. Have to. Can't live with out you. Faster and faster. My blood pounding. Rushing. I can hear my heart beating. Beating for you. No one but you.

_I'll handle it quit it  
__Just one more time then that's it  
__Just a little bit more  
__To get me through this_

I'm blind. I'm deaf. I can't speak, eat, drink. I can't draw breath. You are my life and soul. Please don't leave me. I can't live without you near me. Cant. Mustn't. Won't. Have to. Have to…

_Its like I can't breathe  
__Its like I can't see anything  
__Nothing but you  
__I'm addicted to you_

I'm so close. Close to my fantasy. I sleep and hear you breathing. Hear you turn in your bed. Not noticing. I turn as you turn. I breathe as you breathe. We are one in my mind. In our mind. I can't sleep; I slide out of bed, onto the floor. Creeping across the carpet I catch a glimpse through the curtains. Your tousled hair, smooth skin tinted by moonlight. Pale and beautiful. I could reach out. Smooth that skin. I'm cold. Hot water, bubbles. A homely sensation. So soothing. I slip in, alone, again, light from a candle.

_Its like I can't think  
__Without you interrupting me  
__In my thoughts  
__In my dreams  
__You've taken over me  
__Its like I'm not me  
__Its like I'm not me_

Warmth, loneliness. Tears course once more. Running, running, running away from everything. Nothing can save me; no one can help me. No one. Nothing. The story of my life reflected in two tiny words. How could I think I could have you? Faith misplaced. You should never have seen me. Hot water turns icy to the touch. I want to scream, help me! Help me! I scream to the heavens. But everyone sleeps. No one hears me.

No one but you.

Warmth returns. Arms slide around me. Your body against mine, amongst the water and bubbles. I've got my fix. You whisper. I'm here. And I see. You've been thinking what I have been thinking. My life has been yours. Your feelings mine. Body to body we cradle eachother. Arms against my sides. I'm safe.

You're here.

Harry.

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Plz read and review. Flames will be used to bake bread on runescape.


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